PSYCHO/SOCIAL ASPECTS
Why do some kids become bullies? Could they just be born sociopaths? If all bullies were sociopathic, that would be a valid suggestion. However, I don't believe all bullies are sociopathic. Bullying is an unhealthy maladaptive behavior. Excluding bio-physical and genetic factors, unhealthy, maladaptive behavior indicates that a child is not getting unconditional positive regard from his/her family. Add to that a larger/stronger physique than her/his peers as well as bullying behavior of parents and/or adult relatives and the product will be an habitual physical bully.There are also parents who would prefer their kids be bullies rather than weaklings or wimps. These parents' attitude seems to rule out the possibility that a child could be strong and assertive enough to defend him/herself from bullying without becoming a bully. Defending oneself when physically attacked with a reasonable degree of force sufficient to stop the attacker(s) is legitimate and justified, and therefore, is not bullying.
Another factor as to why some children become bullies is that it is a learnable behavior. Once a child is bullied , in the absence of mitigating factors such as compassion, that child, given the opportunity, will bully someone smaller/weaker or help others to gang up on a victim. It may be that no one bullies without first being bullied. As I mentioned in Part 1, I was bullied in primary and secondary school. I have bullied a spouse and a pet. I am no longer married, have no children, and have not owned a pet in years. And I still catch myself slipping into the bullying state of mind when I am feeling powerless or inferior. It is a tendency one can resist in oneself.. I still wish I could bully all active bullies in the world into stopping. What I am doing to oppose bullying is publishing this blog.
Why do some child bullies grow up to be adult bullies? Why do some bullies become spouse abusers, thugs, child abusers. white collar criminals, or aggressive drivers? My answer may be influenced by bias having been bullied as a child by peers and sexually abused by an adult. I think there are two big factors that contribute to the survival of bullying into adulthood, one personal and one social.
The personal factor has to do with the rewards of bullying behavior outweighing the disadvantages. For instance, there is instant gratification in simply taking or doing what one wants to take or do. Bullying can eliminate the need for asking, negotiating, begging. Plus there is the temporary emotional high of power, of feeling special, superior to the poor slobs who have to scrape and save just to survive. What are the disadvantages of bullying? If the bully gets caught doing something illegal he/she may be fined or do jail time. If the bully has a developed conscience, there might be some guilt feelings.
The social factor that relates to the survival of bullying behavior into adulthood involves society's unconscious acceptance of many forms of bullying and the beneficial effects of bullying on society.
Bullies are people who tyrannize, intimidate, or cause harm to those with less power, strength or assertiveness. Specific victims targeted for bullying are often members of minority groups, or are individuals considered different, weird, strange, loners.
There are bullies and targeted victims of bullies. And there are people who are not specifically targeted by bullies, don't perceive themselves as being bullied, and don't generally knowingly and intentionally bully others. These people go along to get along, have normal drives and desires, don't "rock the boat", and don't question anything as long as it falls within the parameters of "normal". In general these people do not express opposition to bullies. They may even support certain active bullies. Nor do they generally feel any sympathy when those who do not conform with their idea of "normal" are targeted for bullying. They may even hold the unexpressed belief or attitude that those who deviate from the norm need to be punished until they learn to conform. Once the deviants "get with the program", the majority, i.e., the normals, can feel more comfortable and secure. In other words, normals unconsciously think that if people who choose to be non-conformists are bullied, it's their own fault. This thought allows normals to remain indifferent to the plight of those targeted by bullies for persecution. Although all teachers provide a priceless, indispensable service, I wonder if the majority of elementary and secondary teachers and administrators in this country are not normals. If this is the case, it would help to explain the continuing existence of school bullying.
There is a special intellectual class of bullies who like to "spin" the facts to make it seem as though normals are victims of minorities such as homosexuals. These bullies would like to return American society to the point where normal middle and upper class white people were the only people in this country with full political rights. They prefer a time when weirdness and sexual deviance, while existing in the shadows, were kept out of the public's sight by law enforcement. They wish America to return to the time when minorities knew better than to complain about their relatively inferior status in society. According to the spin of the intellectual bullies, minorities' demands for fairer and more equal treatment than ever before is an attempt to bully the majority. The problem with that idea is that a minority group is intrinsically less powerful than the majority. That's what makes the group a minority. Minority groups are not in a superior position to dominate, i.e., bully the majority.
